(w)Holistic Fit Friday: 05 April 2024

Managing Grief Without the Use of Chemical Aids

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As someone who has experienced profound grief, dealing with this grief before it morphed into a serious mental disorder, like major depression, has been a challenge. Yesterday marked 20-years since the devastating news was delivered that our Casey had been killed in Iraq, so I thought I would share some chemical-free strategies that I found helpful.

With full disclosure, my M.D. did prescribe an anti-depressant for me (I forget which one) soon after Casey was killed. The pain was literally unbearable. However, after about 10-days of taking it, I stopped. I wasn’t “depressed” I was deeply, profoundly hurt. I initiated the idea that what I was going through was about as visceral and normal as a person’s raw emotions get: a child that I gave natural birth to; nurtured him with my body and soul and raised him to be an astounding human, was violently ripped from his mother’s heart. Of course I was hurting and, at the time, I felt that, as hard as it was (the hardest thing I have ever done), I would have to live through it and get to the other side. I needed to feel all of the emotions that millions, if not billions of mothers, who buried their children have gone through since time began.

I am, and always will be, a grieving mother, but I am a fully-functioning grieving mother AND now, I enjoy my life.

I don’t fault anyone for doing what they have to do to get through the profundity of immense grief. Everyone handles grief differently and grief is a fluid entity—sometimes we get through it minute, by minute: depending on the time passed, sometimes we can get through days, or weeks, without being sucker-punched by it.

Also, grief doesn’t necessarily only come through the loss of a loved one. Over the past four years, like many of you reading this, I have lost friends, colleagues, comrades, financial security, etc, because of my stance against the fascist covid-regime AND my opposition to taking The Magic Needle Juice™. However, day, by day, I am surviving burying my oldest child, so I use some of the strategies I found helped me after he was killed to move forward with my life.

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Strategies for Working Through Grief Without Chemical Aids

Losing a dear-loved one is an incredibly difficult experience that can leave us feeling overwhelmed with grief. While it may be tempting to turn to pharmaceuticals, alcohol, or other chemical aids to cope with the pain, there are healthier alternatives available. I know it’s hard, but it is possible. I have gone through it.

1. Seek Support

One of the most important strategies for dealing with grief is to seek support from others. This can be in the form of friends, family, or support groups. Talking about your feelings and emotions with others who have experienced similar losses can provide comfort and validation. I had a peer supporters from an organization called “TAPS” (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors), plus, not even a year after Casey was killed, my sister Dede (I am also grieving her death six-years ago), we founded an organization called: Gold Star Families for Peace with other war-loss grieving families who felt the same way about the wars that we did. This was a great comfort to all of us.

2. Practice Self-Care

Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally is crucial during the grieving process. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you relax, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies. Prioritize getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, and staying hydrated. I can emphasize how essential is this tip. Even in the best of times, eating ultra processed foods, drinking sugar-filled beverages, and vegging out on the sofa can add to poor mental, emotional, and physical health.

3. Express Your Emotions

Allowing yourself to feel and express your emotions is an essential part of the healing process. Find healthy outlets for your grief, such as journaling, art, or music. Give yourself permission to cry and acknowledge your pain. Avoid suppressing your emotions, as this can prolong the grieving process.

4. Create Rituals

Creating rituals to honor your loved one can provide a sense of closure and comfort. This could be lighting a candle, planting a tree, or writing a letter. Rituals help us to remember and celebrate the life of the person we have lost. After Casey was killed in Iraq, I used to take my journal to his grave on a daily basis and I would write him a letter--usually about how much I missed him and what was going on in our family. Someone who was a Vietnam Veteran suggested I do this and it really helped. The "Dear Casey" letters helped me feel more connected with him. After a few months, I realized that this was no longer necessary, but I did treasure our time together.

5. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and accepting your thoughts and feelings without judgment. It can help you navigate through grief by allowing you to observe your emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them. Engaging in mindfulness activities such as meditation or deep breathing exercises can provide solace during difficult times.

6. Seek Professional Help

If you find that your grief is becoming overwhelming or interfering with your daily life, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide guidance and support as you navigate through the grieving process. They can help you develop coping strategies and provide a safe space for you to express your emotions.

7. Connect with Nature

Spending time in nature can be incredibly healing and soothing. Take walks in parks, visit the beach, or simply sit outside and observe the beauty around you. Nature has a way of grounding us and reminding us of the cycle of life.

8. Practice Gratitude

While it may be challenging to find gratitude during times of grief, focusing on the positive aspects of your life can help shift your perspective. Take time each day to reflect on what you are grateful for, no matter how small. This can help bring a sense of peace and appreciation amidst the pain. After 20-years of Casey being on another plane of existence, I find being grateful for what I do have (grandchildren, family, friends, a meaning-filled life) helps me over rough patches.

9. Engage in Meaningful Activities

Engaging in activities that hold meaning for you can provide a sense of purpose and connection. This could be volunteering, joining a support group, or participating in a hobby or interest. By immersing yourself in activities that align with your values, you can find healing and growth. Or, it could even be setting up a Peace Camp named after your son down the street from the president’s vacation home in Crawford Texas.

I have advised others to find a cause that it bigger than themselves to give them perspective. Opposing U.S. imperial chaos helped me to realize that Casey’s loss was in a long, unfortunate abattoir of victims and I knew I needed to do something to try and help.

10. Give Yourself Time

Lastly, it is important to remember that healing takes time. Grief is a natural and necessary process, and everyone experiences it differently. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve at your own pace. Remember that it is okay to have good days and bad days, and that healing is a journey. Many people who meant well express platitudes to a grief-stricken person, "He/she is in a better place," "he/she is not suffering anymore," "only the good die young," etc, are more hurtful, than helpful. At least to me, they were. The only one that was really true was "time heals." I am still on my healing journey from Casey's death, and I think I always will be, but I am better, and stronger every day.

In conclusion, working through grief without the use of pharmaceuticals, alcohol, or other chemical aids is possible. By seeking support, practicing self-care, expressing your emotions, and engaging in meaningful activities, you can navigate through the grieving process in a healthy and healing way. Remember to be patient with yourself and seek professional help if needed.

Please visit Bee Max Healthy for more tips to put more life into your years!

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